I Dreamt of You

I dreamt of You last night. It was such a beautiful, unexpected surprise. Sometimes I think that where ever in eternity You are, that You've moved on and completely forgotten about Us and then I have a dream like last night...
I was told to go into this squalid dungeon...it reminded me of one of the below ground dungeons in the Tower of London. There was sewage or muck flooding the floor, at least up to my knees. There were high tables along the walls. I climbed on one and sat there looking at the barred windows. I wasn't even thinking of escape or why I was there.
A lady came through a door that was across the room that I hadn't known was there. She told me to follow her. I got down and waded through the muck and went through the door with her. Strangely, I wasn't dirty or wet when I exited.
You were waiting for me in the parking lot, leaning against the Caddie. I was so happy to see You! You wrapped me in your warm embrace and We stood like that for some time; You told me how happy You were to see me again. I didn't know what was happening...but I didn't care because You were there.
The lady got into the front passenger seat and I climbed in the back seat behind You. I had my arms wrapped around You and I could smell Your scent the way it was. We were so happy... I knew that We were headed somewhere wonderful, probably to a hotspring.
Anyhow, the dream made me feel so happy and relieved. I had been so depressed yesterday and the night before. I get scared and insecure and it's good to know You are nearby, just in a different sphere.
Have you met Joe yet? He's a good kid. I think You'll like him. I just feel a bit sad that it had to end that way...Aunt Rita and Uncle Kelly and the boys and Krista... I feel like they shouldn't have had to go through something that tragic...but then, We know that life isn't fair.

Five Years Ago

Dear Kim,
It was five years ago on June 15 that we met. I don't think I can ever thank you enough for everything You have done for me. I think of the softness of Your beard and the strength of Your hands and how every touch was electicity passing through my body. I love you so much and I'm so glad that we had the chance to be together even though it was for such a short time. I would not be where I am today without Your loving guidance. Thank you so much. I love you.

I Miss You

Dear Kim,
It's been nearly four years since You died. I'm still grieving, but You probably already know how horribly I miss You. Somehow, I've come this far without screwing up too horribly. You're always just under the surface of my thoughts. When I feel You nearby, I get so excited and happy.
Sometimes I wonder how Craig can put up with me; I love him, he is absolutely wonderful, but sometimes I get so frustrated with the way he does things...but he tries so hard to keep me happy. I just don't get him sometimes....sometimes I feel that his Mormon upbringing is so ingrained that it limits the way he thinks. Were you frustrated by me? I don't doubt that my Mormon views used to get in the way of some things...I'm sure of it...I was in such spiritual flux when We met...We didn't talk much about spirituality, but it was always mingled in Our play and everything else We did. It was such an amazing, intense experience...and I still crave it...desperately....kinda like BRAT, but Craig isn't ready for such a thing...it was kinda hard for You....but so amazing...freaky...I didn't like it, but the submission of the act made me feel whole. I look at Mr. Bag and I can't tell you how much I miss You giving me an enema...talk about a limit for Craig...he's such a clean freak when it comes to the body that sometimes I wonder why he isn't freaked out by anal sex. On the plus side of things, I've been able to explore role playing with him...and that's something I know You wouldn't do because You always insisted on completely being honest and feeling the experience without being in a role. Whodduh thunk I would have a pirate fetish? I had no idea. I'm going to leave off for now. Other things I need to do.
Love you.